DON’T EVER GO TO A SHOE SALE (UNLESS YOU REALLY NEED SHOES)

There are three reasons why you should never go to a shoe sale (unless you really need shoes, like, that day).

People are going to touch you

I recently made the mistake of “just looking” at shoes when there was a super huge shoe sale going on—and I mean super huge.  I would be standing there “just looking” and women’s hands would be swiping my boobs just to get to a pair of shoes.

It’s not like it hurt or anything, but it just wasn’t what I had in mind for the day.  I didn’t wake up in the morning and think, “Gee, I hope some woman strikes my boobs today!  Okay, where’s my coffee?”  No, that never happened.

Women can get really violent in the shoe department so be careful and put on some protective layers.

People are going to smell

With every strenuous physical activity, there’s going to be some odor that goes along with it.  If you’re hitting up a sale in the early morning hours, beware of recent gym goers and those that haven’t showered yet.

I also advise you to look inside of a shoe before you try it on.  I don’t want Sally’s foot sweat on a pair of heels that are going to take me from street chic to runway babe.

People are going to hate you
If you like a pair of shoes and want to buy them, or if you are “just looking” and see a pair of shoes that you want to buy, don’t you ever let go of them.  During super saver events, if you’re not holding on to a shoe like you’re holding on to an infant, someone will try to take them from you.

More than likely, you will succeed and get to take the shoes home.  But not without someone commenting on your fat ass or the fact that you look constipated.